Saturday, June 15, 2013

Here is a new one

I make no secret of the fact that I've been diagnosed with OCD & Social Anxiety Disorder. If I stay on my meds then its managed decently. 

Sounds ridiculous but I just identified a tick tonight that for some reason I never classified before. 

I almost constantly am holding my phone. I check social media, email, weather, surf the web occasionally write blogs, draw and read all from my phone. I use a ton of features. The only feature I wish it didn't have would be the ability to receive calls. 

 I get really nervous when I get a phone call. Even if its someone I know. If its someone I don't know then I won't answer at all.  
I used to let it go to voicemail if I didn't know the number. Then I'd just stare at the message and be too worried or nervous to listen to it. I'd delete it without listening because I was too worried it was bad news. 
Eventually I disconnected the voicemail feature. Which is something I continue to this day. It's been at least 3 years since I have been able to receive a voice mail. 

I'm a freelance artist and occasionally I have to bite the bullet and talk to a client. If at all possible I avoid it. 
If its a big client and the ask to talk to me I will of course but it makes me wicked nervous. Often times dizzy or sick to my stomach. I've never lost a corporate client due to not talking on the phone. Most of them prefer it this way. 

If its a local job or someone contacts me on Facebook, twitter or my website then one of the first things I tell them is that I don't talk on the phone. 
I let them know that it's due to the fact it's easier to have that paper to look at for reference when I'm working on a job. 
It's black and white that way. 
Honestly it's saved my bacon more than once. A client asked me to do a job for the Army, Navy and Marines. I did the work and when I turned them in I was told I wasted my time on 3 designs. They wanted the Air Force not the Navy. 
I referred to the email where the client had accidentally typed Navy and I got paid for my work plus got to  do 3 Air Force designs for extra money. 
If I'd talked on the phone then I'd have no way to prove they were wrong. 
That and a couple stories like it has just solidified my will on not talking to clients. 

Texting is a little better. There have been a few times I have deleted a text before reading it cuz I was nervous about what it said. 
Its not easy but it can be done. You just have to kinda blur your vision so all you can see are the screen colors. Then swipe and delete. 

It's just one of those things I've learned to live with. 

It just came up recently and got me thinking about it. I guess I didn't tie it to my condition until tonight when I started piecing together the progression. 
I used to talk on the phone like a teenage girl when I was a kid. Now I only call if its 100% the last option. 

Wonder if eventually I'll end up just getting rid of the phone all together. Can't see that happening for a long long time though if ever. 

Ok, just kinda a late night rant. 

Thanks for reading. 

Alan








1 comment:

  1. This blog is cathartic for you. Keep venting brother! But be mindful of isolation....
    Steve

    ReplyDelete