Saturday, February 9, 2013

This Week

This week is busy, I have deadlines to meet by the 13th.  I have lunch at Maplecrest with my oldest on Tuesday and Wednesday I'm scheduled to go to a conference with my church.

I'm excited and nervous about the trip.

Excited because I'd like to get to know those people better. I'm anxious to see what C3 is all about.
I'd love to meet other artists or find more opportunities. 

Unfortunately the nervous part has a longer list.

I'm behind on bills and if I'm off for 4 days I won't be able to accept assignments so I'll be even further behind collecting on invoices. Bank account is super low. Quickly heading towards the double digits.
I was expecting a check this weekend and it didn't come.  I had figured I'd have had my taxes done by now and money wouldn't be a worry while I was gone.

So there is the physical worry of money.

Then there are the mental or emotional nervousness.

I kinda keep to myself and I have for years now. So I'm going to be putting myself out there with a group of people I consider my spiritual and social betters.
I feel like the Randy Quaid to their Chevy Chase (National Lampoon reference!)
Just the white trash hanger on.  That is my perception at least and I have the checking account to back it up.

So there will at least be part of me that feels like I'm there as a charity case.

Also I think I'll be rooming with someone else and that makes me infinitely anxious.
If anything would talk me out of going that is the biggie. I get dizzy just thinking about it.

Then there is the fact that I will be gone on Valentines day which isn't a huge deal but it will be the first time in 13 years I don't see my wife on V-day.

I was hoping to go to see my sister and niece the next weekend but if I'm not working this week then I won't get a check that week. So I'm not sure if I'll get to go and I miss them something fierce.
I haven't got to see them since Sept which is too long.  I just found out about her last July and I want desperately to be a consistent part of her life.

So far my panic attacks have been pretty manageable when I think about the trip

Ok so getting this out in the open makes me feel a little better (except the room mate part).

Thanks for reading
Alan

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