Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Ex Best

I guess as I look back on 2012 even though there is a couple weeks left there are a couple things that stand out this year as...... noteworthy.

One of those things & the only one I'm covering in this blog today is the apparent loss of my heretofore "best friend"

He's been like a brother to me for about 9 years give or take.
He's been around me, my kids & family more than probably anyone that isn't blood relative.
I do miss him. I miss him more than I miss the sister that chose to leave the family a few years back.
Her I never think of, my kids don't mention her and I don't feel a loss.
Him on the other hand I do think about a lot, I do miss & the kids do ask about occasionally.

He moved with his wife to help plant a church in another state.
I visited once & it was great to see them.

I don't think we will ever be close again. Not as close as we were.
It hurts a little less because after I stepped back from the friendship.
It was stunningly apparent that I was a better friend, or at least tried harder than he did.
It's probably because he never had to compete for friends. People genuinely gather around him.
I counted myself lucky to be considered a brother & to be his best friend.

I'm sure he'd think he was the one that tried the hardest but in reality he never had to try.
I would drop ANYTHING at a moments notice to give him a hand.
Where as in return I came in usually second to absolutely anything that he thought was going to be more fun than what I was planning.

I felt for a few months that I was being goaded into arguments. Really trying to get me to argue. About faith, doctrine, anything he could.
It was obviously overt, what actually brought it to a head.
It was in no way random. I was corralled I to an argument and the more I refused to argue the more irate he became.
To the point he was unlike I'd ever dealt with him. He desperately wanted to fight.
He picked at me for 5 hours via text trying to materialize a fight.
I just wouldn't do it. He called me names. He brought up a laundry list of things is done thru out the last 8 years that he disagreed with. Or that he thought God would disagree with.
I managed to not argue or fight. 5 hours of deflecting & trying to not argue in hopes to salvage what we could after he cooled off.
Didn't happen though & we haven't talked since.

He's a good guy & I genuinely wish him the best. I don't feel mad at all about it which is normally my go to emotion when I feel betrayed.

I've heard since things went south that there are plenty of us back here that ran into the same problem with the people that left to plant the church.
Lots of friendships tested & torn by the same thing.
A really good friend if mine had a very long lunch with me one day & without prodding told me several similar stories to mine. So that made me feel better too.

That was a pretty big deal for my 2012.

However with that off my plate I find myself in better communication with my wife.
I had a habit you see, of talking my problems out with friends. My wife works during the day. So while I'm here working from home I'd use my friend as a sounding board.
Then feeling better about what ever it was because I'd gotten it out of my system I would blow it off rather than talk to Lin about it.

Well thanks for reading. This was cathartic


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