Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It's 1:21 a.m.

It's late night or early morning however you want to look at it.
I posted a blog yesterday about something that was making me super nervous.
While I still haven't found out what is gonna happen in that situation I wanted to thank the people who reached out to me & helped calm me down.
Jen, Kev (my twitter bestie) Ashley S, Ashley P, Steven & Wes. Thank you for reading the blog & taking time to try & calm my at times rampant paranoia.
I'm sitting in my living room right now with my brain going a mile a minute & trying to relax but finding it hard.
That's why y'all are getting this extra helping of crazy tonight.

One of my friends helped a great deal tonight by calling me.
We both had freelance stories to exchange & we both had been betrayed by the same person.
We talked for a half hour or so & afterwords I felt much better.
The same friend offered me some work. He had received some assignments from a client & it was more than he needed so he offered me some.
I was all gung ho on the phone but after I got off & talked to my wife I got more & more paranoid.
Not about my friend mind you but about my choice to become freelance & strike out on my own.
Ive been supported on this seemingly crazy journey by my wife Linda who has had the most to lose. It's easy to tell someone to follow their dreams when it's not you trying to feed a family of five by yourself cuz your husband doesn't have a "real job".
Lin has never made me feel bad about it. She's been almost overly supportive. There were times when I was down and wished she would let me have it for putting her in the situation.
I digress however.

My friend was extremely courteous to offer me the work & while I need the money. I want to make it on my own. I need to make it on my own.

I've known this guy for almost my entire life. Don't remember a time I didn't know him.
I can't thank him enough for the call it really helped & offering me work was above & beyond.

I had to email him a little while ago after talking to Lin & tell him it was probably not a good idea to share this particular client.

You may think I'm crazy, cuz I do need money but the catch in my craw is the fact that we both got assignments from this client.
The client knows that my buddy & I live in the same town & know each other.
They sent him a stack of designs cuz they like his style.
They sent me a few assignments cuz they like my style.
Since they know both our distinct styles I'm worried that if I do some of his, the client either won't like them cuz it's not the style they were looking for. Or they will know it want him & figure out its me instead & stop working with both of us.
Sounds paranoid but I once had a client stop using me & keep using a different friend of mine & it created some hard feelings & distrust. He thought I lost him the client & I thought/think he kiboshed me with them.
I know Wes wouldn't do that (back stab me) but if they did figure he was farming out they might stop using him & I would hate to lose a client for him.

Then I started thinking we could tell the client we were working together.

The problem my little O.C.D. brain came up with there is this.....

If we told them they might stop using us altogether cuz they might look at it as a trick. Like we planned it to double our work.
It's a big company so they could easily replace us.

If they didn't do that & they were fine with us working together. They would probably stop sending me work on my own cuz why bother if we are working together.
Then I would feel like a failure as a freelancer cuz I needed help from another artist to keep going.

I want to make it on my own & be self sufficient.

So now I feel bad for getting excited about working with him then backing out.
I feel bad about the situation from my earlier blog (which I deleted). The problem if you didn't read it is that I was told by my ex partner that a design we did together was not previously sold & I could update & change it & we could sell it. I did so & found out today from the people I sold it to that before my changes the original design was sold elsewhere. So I unwittingly plagiarized my ex partner.

So it's been a long day & I can't simmer down enough to go to bed.

I may be thinking too much into the situation & were it a different client I'd really like to work with my friend on something.

Anyway I appreciate him & his offer greatly.

Thanks for reading.
Alan

P.S. it's now 2:11 a.m.

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